I love fall, and all things fall. I’m pretty basic if you follow this guide. My house is full of pumpkins, my fall decorations are starting to rival my Christmas decorations and I love nothing more than a display of whimsical leaves.

One of my favorite parts of fall is baking. I love making hot, warm pumpkin bread and pumpkin pie is the whole reason I bother eating at Thanksgiving. Pumpkin spice is yummy. The aroma of cinnamon, cloves, allspice and ginger makes the house smell amazing. I even buy those cinnamon brooms and put them in every room because I adore the smell of cinnamon.


Have we lost our minds when it comes to pumpkin? I mean, seriously, it’s embarrassing. I’m embarrassed for all of us. There is literally nothing they won’t add pumpkin to – and I’m left asking who is buying this stuff?

Let’s just look at a few things here:

Pumpkin dog biscuits.

Honey, I know you love your dog and I know you love autumn, but your dog is not waiting around for pumpkin dog biscuits the way you are waiting for PSL. Buy that dog a bowtie with a picture of pumpkins and fall leaves and let him eat normal dog food.

Pumpkin drinks.

And about that PSL. Really? You know it’s got more additives and calories than a happy meal, right? And the pumpkin beer that’s taken over the beverage aisle, why guys why? Look at it objectively. If I said, oh, I’m adding acorn squash to my coffee you would turn away in disgust. How about hey guys, let’s make some home brew and add squash to it! That’s really what this pumpkin beer is. It’s weird. It’s too much.

Pumpkin body rubs.

You name it, you can find it. There are lotions, balms, soaps and shampoos all littering the special seasonal aisles of stores right now. Is your goal really to smell like a pie? I mean, it’s a lovely smell, but when you are using a pumpkin face mask you have to ask yourself why. There are tons of natural ingredients they have shown to be good for your skin (looking at you cucumbers and avocado) but pumpkin isn’t one of them. It’s like you just want to become a pumpkin. Did you read that nursery rhyme too much as a kid?

Pumpkin Cheerios

We saw these at the grocery the other day and my teenager begged me to buy them and I caved. Here’s a big surprise (not) she said they were pretty marginal. Do we really need special edition cereal?

Pumpkin granola.

Yes, this is a thing. Why? I cannot imagine. It’s not terrible. It’s just not great.

Pumpkin flavored almonds.

C’mon!!!! Yes, I saw these for sale in Trader Joe’s. And while I love Trader Joes, this is too much. Why not just have pumpkin flavored pickles? That’s not a suggestion guys, please don’t do that.

Don't miss out!
Invalid email address
Give it a try. You can unsubscribe at any time.

About A.P. Suttlemeyer

A.P. is part time jaded Gen Xer, part time enthusiast for all things basic. After living and edgy life in New York City, she moved to the suburbs and had kids. She fully embraces the fact that she is now a basic, bougie babe in the burbs.

View all posts by A.P. Suttlemeyer